Pressure for the Perfect Holiday Season

Have you ever seen a Hallmark holiday movie? The decorations are hung. The cookies are decorated. The cider or hot chocolate is served with a cinnamon stick and dollop of whipped cream. The tree is color coordinated and the presents are wrapped and adorned with beautiful ribbons and bows. They nailed those 6-inch ribbon curls. Talk about absolute perfection. The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy, togetherness, and celebration with every single detail meticulously attended to. Right? Wrong. While the holidays should be a time of joy, togetherness, and celebration, perfection is not what actually makes the holiday “perfect”.

Main points, no filter: 

✅Perfect holidays don’t exist.

Hallmark scenes aren’t real life. Chasing them just adds stress and kills the joy.

✅Perfectionism is not the same as self-improvement.

One’s about fear and control; the other’s about growth for you.

✅High expectations = burnout.

Trying to please everyone leads to stress, guilt, and comparison.

✅Culture turns up the pressure.

Family and cultural expectations can make the holidays feel like a performance.

✅“Good enough” is more than enough.

Let go. Embrace the messy, imperfect moments — that’s where the real joy is.

Ready to take a deep dive into perfectionism and holiday stress? Keep reading. Ready to let go of perfectionism and find peace this holiday season? Schedule a consult with Dr. Pimble and feel the peace of “good enough”. 

What is perfectionism?

Perfectionism is setting high standards for oneself (and sometimes others), often in an attempt to feel a sense of control and safety. For some people, perfectionism may be the result of early experiences, and for others it is a coping strategy that develops in response to the culture or environment we’re in. The core belief behind perfectionism is that if we can just be [enter action here] enough, we will be safe/okay/happy/successful. This video explains the motivation behind our strive for perfection. 

"Perfectionism is this idea or belief that if we look perfect, live perfect, and do it perfectly that we can avoid or minimize feelings of shame, blame, and judgment.”  - Brene Brown

What’s the difference between perfectionism and striving to be better? 

Perfectionism is based on the idea “what people will think” or external validation. Self-improvement, on the other hand, is about achieving a new personal best, behaving in ways that are in line with your internal goals, doing something because it resonates with YOU, not because someone else will (or will not) approve. 

Check out this video for a quick explanation. 

Perfectionism can lead to…

Stress and feelings of burnout: 

Always feeling as though there is more to do increases stress.

Low self-esteem: 

With perfectionism, people often equate their self-worth with productivity and praise.

Avoidance:

Pressure to be perfect can result in procrastination and avoidance in doing things.

Conflict in relationships: 

Not allowing others to help or embracing different ways of doing things can negatively impact relationships.

Why do we feel extra pressure during the holidays?

Comparing ourselves to others: 

Movies and social media often set the example of what a perfect holiday “should” be, even when this is not realistic.

Fear of missing out: 

Ice skating, tree lighting, shopping, baking, we want to do it all and create the best memories.

Childhood memories: 

You may be trying to relive past experience or perhaps replace not so fond memories with something better. 

What happens when we set high/unrealistic expectations for the holiday season?

We often feel as though the perfect holiday means towers of gifts under the tree, flawless decorations inside and out, and abundant feasts for every meal that look as though they were made by a five-star chef.

Putting pressure on yourself to create the perfect holiday may increase mental health symptoms, including:

Depression: For many, the holiday season can be a lonely time or serve as a trigger for difficult memories.

Anxiety and stress: Worries about family dynamics, making everybody happy, and creating the best memories for everyone may be keeping you up at night.

Guilt: You may feel bad that you can’t buy the most expensive gifts or that you can’t host the biggest party.

Feelings of inadequacy: Comparing yourself to what you see in movies and on social media can leave you feeling as though you aren’t good enough.

What lens do you view holidays through? 

Not everyone views the holidays as a positive time. For some, the holiday season may be a reminder of grief and loss. For others, the holidays are impacted by the culture in which they were raised. Different cultures may influence perfectionism and what that can look like around the holidays. The extra stress of living up to the expectation of your family culture can cause people to feel overwhelmed and burnt out. Do any of these sound familiar to you?

 Collectivist cultures: Representing one’s family as flawless.

 Individualistic cultures: One must constantly improve themselves and outperform others.

Achievement-based cultures: Success is often measured by status and performance, and failure is not an option.

How to decrease the pressure during the holidays

Remember that good enough is often more than enough.

Identify what is most important: 

It is okay to just attend one or two events.

Focus on traditions that are meaningful to you: 

Just because you have done something yearly in the past does not mean you need to repeat it if it isn’t important to you now.

Stick to your budget: 

It genuinely is the thought that counts, and overspending will lead to additional stress and worry.

Embrace imperfection: 

Sometimes the messiest cookies taste the best. And there is nothing wrong with turning that crumbling cake into cake pops. 

Stop comparing yourself to others: 

What you see on social media isn’t always reality. No one puts the worst picture of themselves on social media. What you see is a curated selection of photographs that have filters, crops, and just the right lighting to hide imperfections. 

Maintain healthy routines: 

Continue to prioritize rest, engage in self-care, and make time for you.

Allow time and space for your emotions: 

If the holidays are increasing feelings of sadness, loneliness, grief, or stress, allow yourself time to feel this. You don’t need to be merry 24/7.

Letting go of the idea of the perfect holiday allows space to…

✅Live in the now

✅Appreciate the small things

✅Create new traditions and memories

✅Enjoy the peace of the season

Taking care of yourself and letting go of holiday perfection leaves room to enjoy the small things. Embracing the slightly burnt cookies, hastily wrapped gifts, and mismatched pajamas allows you to make the season the merriest.

What is the one thing you would love to let go this holiday season?

Maybe you want to go the semi-homemade route? Instead of making everything from scratch, a few store bought or catered items may allow you to enjoy your guests instead of sweating in the kitchen. 

Maybe the feast of seven fishes doesn’t need to actually have SEVEN fishes, three will do just fine. 

Forego the gift games, giving gifts out of obligation, and matching dishes. 

Have your family come to you instead of spending half your time traveling from one house to the next.

Interested in learning more about perfectionism? Check out this article from the APA Monitor Looking for some ideas on how to manage the

extra holiday stress? Check out our blog on tips for managing stress around the

holidays. Need some support and assistance in making healthy changes and letting go of perfectionism? Schedule a consult today!