"How to Beat the ‘Fck Its’: Overcoming Resistance and Getting Sht Done with ADHD"

Ever feel like giving the middle finger to every task on your to-do list? Yeah, we’ve all been there. Let’s talk about how to get sht done anyway.”

Main Points, No Filter:

✅ Identify Your Triggers: Recognize the thoughts that trigger resistance and anger—don't let them control you.

✅ F*ck the Power Struggles: Understand that resistance might feel good now, but it's screwing you over in the long run.

✅ Get Sh*t Done: Break tasks down into manageable chunks, so you can stop procrastinating and start accomplishing.

✅ Dodge Distractions: Create a work environment that works for you, without all the crap that pulls you off track.

✅ Long-Term Wins: Keep your eye on the big picture, even when instant gratification is calling your name.

✅ CBT for ADHD: Don't just read about it—practice it. This is where the real change happens.

In my last blog I talked about the emotional obstacles that have an impact on ADHD symptoms. We discussed strategies to identify thoughts that trigger feelings of anxiety, hopelessness, and anger. This blog will focus how to address feeling resistant and oppositional to complete tasks we are presented with.

Like the previous blog outlined, if we want to change the feeling, we need to identify and change the thought that is triggering the feeling. The antidote to soothe feelings of opposition and resistance lies in activation and motivation.

Where do resistant and oppositional feelings come from?

When we experience resistance and opposition to something, we may be reacting to more than this current moment. We may be reacting to a whole lifetime of moments. If our previous experience with authority and structure was negative, we may want to assert our sense of power and agency by being resistant, because we can, and that feels good. This may feel exceptionally good if we have a lifetime of not being able to meet the demands imposed on us by others because a lack of skill or capability.

People with ADHD can have a more difficult time with organization and implementing structure into their lives. Then, when we come up short, we become pissed off and catch a case of the “f*ck its”. Because we have tried so much harder and failed so much more than our peers we might have developed a bit of a complex.

How do we recognize this oppositional feeling and what do we do with it?

Opposition and resistance often show up as anger. Notice the anger, then work backwards, what was going on at that moment?  What were you feeling and doing?  What is that thought that led to the feeling and behaviors? Are these rational thoughts or one of those cognitive distortions we talked about? Do we have evidence that this thought is true?

I always think of the movie, Clerks. It’s been a minute so forgive any errors in the reference. Dante is supposed to play in a hockey game, but his boss asks him to come into work instead.  Dante agrees to cover the shift and is almost immediately met with a series of irritating events. Dante repeatedly says, “I’m not even supposed to be here today!” and flexes his muscle by closing the store and hosting the hockey game on the roof. When we compromise our boundaries, we become resistant, angry and irritated at challenges we meet. On the other hand, challenges that come up when we are aligned with our values don’t feel as prickly.

When faced with a task or demand, ask, who am I doing this for? If it’s not for you or someone you care about reconsider your priorities. A lot of times, this stops the feelings of resistance from even starting.

If you determine that the task is in line with your goals, consider the idea that resisting in this moment might make you FEEL more in control, but it actually gives you less control and options in the immediate future and it will prevent you from getting what you want in the long run. Acting from a resistant or oppositional stance will feel better now by giving the middle finger to authority or “the man” (maybe) but will hurt you more in the long run.

Let’s use the skills we have talked about so far to learn how to “get sh*t done”. When we are looking at a large and vague task we need to break it down into smaller more manageable chunks.

Chunk 1: getting started/activated:

Imagine a snowy winter day. You are at the bottom of a big hill at a farm. You are all bundled up like Ralphie’s brother, sled in hand. You are standing at the bottom of the hill and considering the effort that it will take for you to climb the hill in your Stay’ Puft Marshmallow suit.  This is the “energy of activation” - how much energy it takes to get up the hill before we can sled down it with glee.

For people with ADHD, not only is this hill taller and steeper, but it can feel like you are towing an elephant up the hill with you. The thought of climbing up this hill while pulling an elephant just SOUNDS exhausting, there isn’t energy left to climb the hill after we’ve thought about. We’ve all been there. Remember,  getting started is often the hardest part. Once you are up the hill, “it’s all downhill from here”.

Chunk 2: learn strategies to get the process going

Overcoming Distraction

Think about distraction in two forms. We are distracted by more immediate gratification and sensory distractors. If we are presented in the moment with something that seems much more engaging or pleasurable than the task at hand, there is a good chance that we will be hijacked by the more immediate reinforcer.

If I am staring at a blank computer screen trying to figure out what to write for this week’s blog, I might be inclined to respond to a text and then subsequently doom scroll for twenty minutes because that is much more entertaining than thinking about what to write.

On the other hand, sensory distractors have more to do with the environment and what contributes to focus or distraction. I might really want to write this blog, but if I keep having emails pop up, I am pulled from my train of thought and then it takes me several minutes to get reoriented back to what I am doing. It’s like doing long division in your head and while being interrupted by a toddler.

Chunk 3: make an optimal work environment that is unique to you.

Think of a time when you felt most productive. What in your environment contributed to that feeling? Think about the time of day that your mind is fresh, think about the level of noise or distractions in your environment. Were you in your office, sitting outside, or at a coffee shop. Is music helpful or distracting?

The first part of dealing with distractors is to commit to working in a space where you have intentionally removed these distractors. After you have decided that you will be working distraction free, here are some steps to take to set yourself up for success.

Chunk 4: deal with sensory distractors:

🎯 No visual distractions. This includes books, magazines, pictures, open tabs on your internet browser with an amazon cart full of Prime Day deals. Remove these distractions from your environment. There are even apps you can use that block browsing of certain websites during certain times of day.

🎯 No auditory distractors. This includes television, distracting music, other people’s conversations. To reduce these distractions, you can wear noise cancelling headphones or consider calming music. I am currently listening to ADHD background music on Spotify. It reminds me of a swanky, trendy, hotel restaurant. Or that music they play on you tube doing house tours for real estate.

🎯 Take yourself to another space or another time in that space. You might find you are way more productive at the library than at the office. If you need to be in your office, you may find that coming in early or staying later might give you a better space to work with less office chatter. Just be sure to be mindful of balancing your work and personal time.

Chunk 5: deal with social distractors

Social distractors typically come in the form of other people. Your job may require that you be accessible or available. Truly reflect on this for a moment. If you are a first responder or ER staff, this might be true. Your job is to respond to other people’s emergencies. Consider if your job REALLY requires you to be always available or if there are certain parameters that you can set around your time. This might mean having someone “on call” for a fixed amount of time and so you can use these windows of time to get the meaningful work done. If you fail to bracket your time for yourself, it will be difficult to get any other work done. Here is a list of suggestions to consider bracketing your time while still having availability to others:

🎯 Set up “office hours” these are set hours that people are free to wander in literally or figuratively to ask questions

🎯 Have a do not disturb time

🎯 Close your door

🎯 Enable the “do not disturb” feature on your phone for a fixed amount of time

🎯 Close your email server and set a time at fixed intervals to check and respond throughout the day.

Chunk 6: learn a method to stay on track for long term goals

Long term goals often offer us the greatest reward. These types of goals include saving for retirement or a special vacation, getting advanced training, certifications, or education, planning for projects that require foundational work. The rewards for these goals can be so far in the future that it is hard to stay motivated and keep pushing. People with ADHD especially struggle with this because of the lack of connection with the here and now and the experience of the future.

Short term vs. long term reinforcers

Short term reinforcers are the rewards we get right now or in the very near future. It’s like getting ice cream at the store and imagining how delicious it will taste. If only the reward for having low cholesterol and a healthy gut was as salient in that moment.

Short term is more salient in the here and now and unless we also keep in mind the long-term goal, we are likely to choose the more instant gratification.  To make the long-term goal more salient, come up with a visualization for the reward.

Things to consider when visualizing the long-term reward:

What will you be able to do differently once this reward is obtained? Who will you be with? How will you feel? Successful, content, healthy, energized, relieved. Break out the thesaurus and get a list of adjectives that will describe this experience. If you envision retirement on a beach, where is the beach? Is it white sand and warm air? Turquoise water? Is it on a boat looking at the beach? Maybe you are wandering around a city in Spain, stopping to eat fresh made bread. People around you are laughing and in no hurry.

When you are creating this visualization, it is important to account for the fears that may be getting in the way of reaching this long-term goal.

👻 Fear 1: Perfectionism?

The feeling that it will never be quite right.  Maybe you won’t have saved enough money for retirement. Maybe you are investing in the wrong fund, and you will lose everything you saved for. You might spend a lot of time researching the “best” way to invest and you never get around to the actual investing part.  Remind yourself that there is no perfect way to do anything. We can’t be perfect because we are human, and humans are imperfect creatures. We are still operating on Windows 95, the human race is in desperate need of an update. The most recent one was over 300,000 years ago.

👻 Fear 2: Negative evaluation?

Maybe you have people in your life that are financial whizzes, and they think the fund you chose to invest in is the dumbest idea ever. Or you should have invested in a roth versus a standard IRA (I actually have no idea if these are the right terms).  A lot of times we consider the opinions of people that don’t deserve our consideration. Think of three people whose opinion you value. Ask them for advice or input, decide whether you want to take that advice, then keep it moving. Your co-worker and part time stock market investor does not know your full story, nor take your values and history into consideration, the “best” way for them is not always the best for you?

👻 Fear 3: Knowing there is just another task waiting to replace this one. The devil we know is better than the devil we don’t know.

Why even bother investing or setting up a plan? I might as well spend the money now. I will invest in retirement but will have to pull that money to replace the roof in two years anyway. There is no point. Or maybe, by investing in retirement that means admitting that you will no longer be able to work, maybe the idea of not having a sense of purpose is scary? Or maybe the idea of living on a fixed income is scary. Best to not think about it, right?

This one requires some stretchy brain thinking. While yes, it is scary to not do something that you have been doing every day for the past 30 years, it is also the opportunity for a new chapter of your life. You have more agency, resources, and connections to enjoy this time of your life.

Be sure to consider these aspects and incorporate them into your vision.

Visualization works best when you incorporate as much detail as possible and envision it before the temptation arises. Have a visual cue that will remind you of your future self. Practice thinking about this throughout the day so that it can be recalled with less effort.

Here's and example: 

If you envision yourself as a non-smoker. Think about running without getting out of breath, shiny white teeth, minty taste, enjoying the sophisticated palate of flavors, and being old with your loved ones around you. You feel the power of being able to quit smoking despite the times you were not successful in the past. Imagine the agency and pride that you feel of overcoming the addictive nature of “big tobacco”. Then, when you are tempted to smoke when offered later in the day, you may be more inclined to say no because the vision of being a non-smoker and the benefits of that will be fresh in your mind.

Okay, now what? Tired of reading about ADHD hacks and then not using them?

A lot of times the concepts make sense, but the implementation is difficult. I know that I should practice visualization and removing distractors from my work environment. Google and social media have listed all these “hacks” already.  This is where CBT for ADHD comes into play. The above concepts are covered in the material in session 6 of CBT for ADHD.

First, we go over the material then we do an “in class exercise” of practicing the visualization. We list out every detail of your long-term reward and really bring it into focus. You will get take home notes that outline the material in bulleted format. You will also get slides from the session material if you prefer to take notes as you go. Then, your work between sessions is to identify a long-term meaningful goal. You work on the visualization of the reward, break the goal down into smaller steps that can be achieved in the short term, you schedule each week when you will do these smaller tasks, while practicing bringing your visualization to mind. When we meet the next week, we trouble shoot and using the skills we have learned this far, figure out what adjustments need to be made.  We talk about where you got stumped, what worked well, and what we can fine tune until we figure out a system that works right for you.

CBT for ADHD is offered in group, individual, or hybrid formats, both online and in person. For the group and hybrid formats you are part of a community that offers a brilliant, solution focused, mind hive in a space that is encouraging and free of judgement. Sometimes, just knowing that we are not alone helps motivate us to keep moving and get the shit done that we want to get done.

The individual format for CBT for ADHD offers customized, one on one interventions for you to get the support that you need with flexible scheduling. This may be helpful if you have some deeper emotional work or if your schedule is not consistent each week due to work or family obligations.

Ready to learn more? Read my earlier blog to get more information about CBT for ADHD or schedule a consult. I’ll give you the Clif’s notes.