The Pursuit of Happiness: 10% happier
Main points, no filter:
🔥 1. Knowing Isn't the Same as Doing
You know you should go to bed earlier. You know mindfulness helps. But you’re still watching five episodes in a row and wondering why you're exhausted. The space between knowing and doing? That’s where awareness comes in—and that’s what therapy (and mindfulness) helps you build.
🧠 2. Your Inner Voice Is a Jerk (and Meditation Helps You Deal With It)
Dan Harris puts it bluntly: “The voice in your head is an asshole.” Meditation isn’t about achieving mental silence—it’s about noticing your thoughts without letting them run the show. Like lifting weights, the more you practice, the stronger your awareness muscle gets.
🎯 3. Forget 100% Happy—10% Is a Damn Good Start
Happiness isn’t some magical, constant state. Aiming for 100% happy sets you up to fail. But becoming 10% less reactive? 10% more focused? 10% more present? That’s realistic. That’s progress. That’s where the shift happens.
👀 4. Mindfulness = Noticing Without Getting Sucked In
Whether it's your temper, your to-do list, or that comment someone made two days ago—mindfulness helps you notice it without spiraling. You don't need a retreat or incense. You just need 60 seconds of noticing you’re in the moment. That’s it.
✌️ 5. You Don’t Need to Be Calm to Start—You Just Need to Be Done With Your Own Bullsh*t
Meditation isn’t for the ultra-zen or spiritually enlightened. It’s for anyone tired of being hijacked by their own thoughts. If you’re ready to get out of your own head (even a little), you’re ready to start.
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A common theme I see in therapy sessions is the space between knowing what to do and doing what you know. We KNOW what will help, the problem is putting that into practice in between sessions. You know that you should get more sleep, but you can’t stop binge watching that new series. The question is, how do you remember to turn the TV off instead of letting the next episode start?
Therapy can illuminate patterns in your life; but it takes awareness to know when you are carrying out old patterns and replace them with new more helpful patterns. But how do you increase awareness? My answer is always the same and it comes with a “woo woo therapy bs” warning attached. If you want to have more awareness and implement change in your life, practicing mindfulness and meditation will get you there.
This month, as we dive into what the “pursuit of happiness” means, we look at Dan Harris’s book 10% Happier. This witty and real take on meditation and mindfulness suggest that while you may not receive your medallion of spiritual oneness like Ace Ventura, you will be, at the very least, ten percent happier. You will be more aware, less reactive, and more in the driver’s seat in your pursuit of happiness.
Who is Dan Harris and why should we listen to him?
Dan Harris is a news anchor and author of 10% Happier and Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics. His inspiration for writing stemmed from an on-air panic attack that led him to pursue a way to navigate anxiety from work stress and the pressure to climb the ladder in the broadcasting world.
Dan Harris writes with a sense of humor, sarcasm, and just the right about of cuss words to keep readers engaged. He is admittedly skeptical of meditation and chronicles his journey to minimize anxiety without losing his edge. He has since started a podcast and designed an app around meditation and self-improvement .
Meditation Is Not About Shutting Off Your Mind (That’s a Lie)
Harris's key message: “The voice in your head is an asshole.” (Yep, he said that.) Meditation isn’t about silencing your thoughts—it’s about not believing every dumb thought you have. Think of it like strength training for your attention. You notice the thought, you let it go, you come back. Over and over. That’s the rep. If your goal is to do 50-pound bicep curls, you don’t go into the gym and start with the 50-pound weight. You start with doing lower weight reps and gradually work up to 50 pounds. It’s the same thing with mindfulness and meditation, you start easy and gradually work your way up. Every time you practice not getting carried away by your thoughts you get better at it.
When I suggest meditation and mindfulness to my clients, the typical response is “I can’t meditate, my mind never stops”. This is a common misconception. When we talk about meditation we aren’t talking about having a blank mind, sitting on a pillow with Enya playing in the background. We are talking about noticing the voice in your head, observing it, and letting it go.
Imagine your thoughts flowing down a river. You can sit on the bank of the river and watch your thoughts float by, or you can be caught up in the rapids of your thought river and let them carry them you away. It’s up to you.
Why not 100% happier?
We aim for progress not perfection. If you were happy 100% of the time you wouldn’t appreciate it. You can’t have joy without sadness. The goal is to navigate sadness when it comes at you, play the hand you are dealt. If you expect 100% happiness, you are setting yourself up for failure.
What does 10% happier look like?
10% happier means that there is a little more space between the urge to react and the reaction. When you are aware of your urge to tell someone to go shit in their hat and actually saying it, you won’t be so irritable or snappy. This will make you a better friend, better spouse, and better parent.
You will be less likely to spiral when you are blindsided by something unexpected. You will be able to let things go before your whole day goes to shit. Because you are better able to let things go, you will be better able to focus and get the work done during the day.
Being better able to appreciate the here and now versus worrying about the future or dwelling on the past. Harris notes that if you have one foot in the past and one foot in the future, you are pissing on the present. Touche Dan Harris.
But wait there’s more! You can get all this without going on retreats or sitting for hours in silence each day. Unless you want to, of course.
The Inner Critic Gets Quieter (But Never Shuts Up)
10% happier also means that you will have more self-compassion. You won’t beat yourself up for choices you make and will avoid the shame spiral. Harris explains that you start to realize: "Oh, that's just my mind doing its thing. I don’t have to buy into it." There is a sense of freedom when you realize that you don’t have to get sucked down by the current. How’s that for Independence Day?
Meditation for Skeptics: Start Here
Wondering how to meditate?
Sit, breathe, notice a wandering thought, let it go, breathe. Repeat. You can sit still for as little as 5 minutes and get the benefits of meditation.
If you struggle with meditation you can start with mindfulness. Mindfulness is just noticing things. Notice the iridescent colors of the bubbles as you wash dishes. Notice the smell of rain on hot asphalt. Look for a specific color while you are taking the dog for a walk. Maybe just appreciate how happy your dog is stopping to smell every three steps.
Final Thoughts: Small Shifts, Big Impact
The pursuit of happiness isn’t about happiness at all. If you are looking for happiness itself, it’s like a unicorn, you will keep chasing and never find it. Instead of looking for happiness, look for a feeling of just being present in the moment. If you can do this for just 60 seconds, you are on the right path.
What will meditation and mindfulness change for you?
You don’t need to be spiritual, calm, or even particularly nice to start meditating. You just need to be tired of your own mental chaos. If you're curious about how meditation or mindfulness could fit into therapy, let’s talk.