Meet Your Money Toolkit: Practical Tips to Take Control of Your Finances and Mental Health
🧠 Your Mental Health Impacts Your Finances—And Vice Versa
💸 “Hello Money Habits, Meet the Toolkit” — Main Points, No Filter
If you’re freaking out, you’re not budgeting—you’re surviving.Money stress hits your nervous system hard. Calm your body first (sing, breathe, meditate), then open the bank app.
Money isn’t evil—it’s just misunderstood.It’s not emotional until we make it emotional. Drop the shame, treat money like a neutral tool, and take your power back.
Your money leaks aren’t mysterious—you just haven’t looked.Emotional spending, forgotten subscriptions, last-minute rush fees... stop avoiding and start tracking. Brutal honesty = growth.
Stop relying on willpower—it will fail you.Set up systems. Automate bills. Delete saved cards. Make it hard to spend and easy to save. Work with your brain, not against it.
Silence is costing you.Talk about money with your partner, your friends, your kids. Awkward convos are better than financial anxiety running the show.
Intrigued? Read more below. Want to get more money tips personalized to you? Schedule a consult and let’s talk.
In our recent blog series, we explored the complex relationship between money and mental health. First, we tackled the taboo around talking about money. Then we dove into understanding your unique money story, inspired by Keeping Finance Personal.
If you’re new here, go back and check those out—but if you’re ready to take action, let’s build your Money Toolkit.
Step 1: Manage your emotions
The first step in having a better relationship with money is managing the emotions. When we go into fight or flight, there is no way we will make logical decisions around money.
Here is where I give you the generic tips about managing emotions. Eat right, get good sleep, and move your body. There I said it, you know it, it’s also about doing what you know, and I trust that you are working on it.
Here is where I give you a nerdy brain science tip that you may not know:
Our bodies have two modes: fight or flight or rest and digest. When we sense a threat we go from rest and digest to fight or flight. Think about the last time you were upset about something did you feel “sick to your stomach”? That’s because when we are in fight or flight we are not digesting properly.
Now, the vagus nerve is responsible for sending the message to our amygdala (fight or flight brain) to calm down. The threat is over we can chill out. The vagal tone is the speed in which your brain can do that.
So, how do we improve our vagal tone?
Singing,
meditation
breathing.
Think about it, if we are humming our favorite show tune, we can’t possibly feel threatened. If we are doing slow, big, belly breaths, no way there is a bear chasing us. Singing or breathing calmly sends the message to the brain that we are safe.
Change your thinking about money
Now that we can bring up the topic of money without going into fight or flight, we can change our way of thinking about money.
In her book ADD and Your Money, Stephanie Sarkis writes “money has no intrinsic value. It is neither good nor bad; it just is. Money is simply a tool for obtaining things you need and want in life” That’s it. When we disentangle emotion from money, we can look at it with curiosity instead of judgment. As we investigate addressing money problems, think of it this way: a person is a person, a problem is a problem. A person is not a problem.
👉 Pro Tip: There’s no one “right” way to manage money. Use what works for YOU.
If you are five feet tall and you need something on the top shelf of your cabinet. You can’t reach it like a person who is six feet tall. You get a step stool or climb up on the counter. You don’t shame yourself for not being able to reach the shelf nor do you just keep standing there and reaching with all your might willing the item into your hand. You accept that you can’t reach it and you find another way to achieve your goal.
Step 3: Identify Your Money Leaks
Now that you can look at your money situation without judgment, it’s time to get curious. If you need to better manage your spending, ask yourself these questions:
Why are you spending? Is it recurring charges for services that you don’t need. Think gym membership and subscriptions to all 27 streaming services. Do you frequently lose items or forget that you have them, so you are buying duplicates? Maybe you are an emotional spender, you are angry, sad, lonely, or even happy and you spend money to feel better or to keep the party going.
What are you buying? Look at your spending habits for the last month. What do they say about you? Is it a lot of meal deliveries, unrealized hobbies and projects, new clothes when your closet it already overflowing?
When are you buying? Is your money going to late fees on bills, expedited shipping because you forgot that Christmas is December 25th?
Step 4: Develop Your Personalized Money Plan
No shame, just strategy. Start small.
Who is in your corner?
Part of an attack plan is having people in your corner. In her book, Keeping Finance Personal, Ellyce Fulmore suggests finding people that you are comfortable talking to about money, people who challenge you to improve, people who support you in a mental health crisis, and a financial institution that you can trust.
Once you have your team, you can solicit advice from them that is specific to your situation. I have included some tools that help navigate money, however it is important that you do what is right for you.
Step 5: Implement Tools to Manage Your Money Better
Making changes in behavior is not about willpower. You will only be able to resist temptation for so long if the environment is primed to fall into default habits. As you think about the habits you want to change, consider the context of those habits.
💳 Automate Wisely:
If you have trouble paying your bills on time decide on a system that will help you. Instead of sternly telling yourself, “Be an adult, pay your bills on time”. Admit that it’s a struggle and see what you can do to get some support. Support could be:
Automatic bill pay through your bank
Calendar reminders that alert you at set intervals before the bill is due
Having all your bills due on the same day or days (bills are due on 15th or the 1st)
Regularly and consistently sitting down to pay bills (every Friday you pay bills)
💡 Make Spending Harder:
Remove payment methods from your online accounts. Take your card off of PayPal, google pay, and amazon. If you must get up and get your credit card to make a purchase, you may think twice about clicking buy now.
Keep one credit card in your wallet. Put a visual reminder on it – like a sticky note that says “no”, it will take you off autopilot long enough to consider whether or not you really want to complete that purchase.
Use automation for saving.
Automatically move a set amount into savings on payday
Have saving taken out of your paycheck before it hits your bank
Visual cues
When it is not staring you in the face, money can be tricky. You can spend more than you have if you use a credit card for your purchases. You can find it hard to save for something in the future if you don’t have a reminder of what it is you are saving for. It can be hard to stick to a budget if you can’t track how much you have spent already or how much you have left to spend. To make money more visual, some of these tips might work:
Use debit cards or prepaid credit cards for purchases. A transaction will not go through if there is no money in the account
Have pictures on display of what you are saving for. Having pictures in your wallet or taped to your monitor of a beach vacation may remind you of your goal.
Use a goal tracker either paper or within your banking platform to remind you to track your progress
Use the envelope system for budgeting – either literal envelopes with cash or separate checking accounts for each spending category (if your bank allows free checking)
Step 6: Break the money taboo cycle
People hesitate to implement strategies for money management because of the taboo cycle. You don’t talk about money, so there is a lack of knowledge. This lack of knowledge leads to making mistakes around money, which leads to shame and guilt. The shame and guilt leads you to avoid the topic of money which leads to money being taboo.
Have conversations about money
Now that you have identified people that you can talk to about money, you can start talking about it. Educate yourself about money, there are free courses available to learn about all things money, listen to podcasts, read books. Whatever way you ingest information, do it.
Know an items worth and know your worth
When you are negotiating a price or a salary, know what your needs are. This means, you clearly state what your expectations are for the service that you are providing or receiving. It is also important to understand the other person’s perspective. Know your limits ahead of time, this may come in handy if your emotions get the better of you. Remember it always okay to ask for time to consider.
Money conflicts in relationships
Over 40% of couples do not talk about money. Money is also a leading cause of divorce. Have scheduled times to talk with your partner about money. Remember that talking about money when you are emotionally heightened will not have the best outcomes. In talking to your partner come to the table with these questions:
What is my view?
What is my partner’s view?
My possible solution:
My partner’s possible solution:
After trying both solutions, what worked and what didn’t?
In couple therapy we also talk about the impact of mental health diagnoses on the relationship. If you struggle with managing money because of a mental health diagnosis it might be worth it to have the conversation around medication. Ultimately it is up to the individual to decide if they will take medication or not but hearing the other partners perspective may influence the decision.
Mental health symptoms may mean that you do not directly handle the money. It does not mean that you are denied access to the money or that you are not a part of the financial decisions. It just means that if you struggle to pay bills on time and your partner does not. It is okay that your partner is responsible for paying the bills.
Talk to your kids about money
Play games like Monopoly. Talk about the cost of things. Show them the 529 account that you have set up. These conversations will change your child’s money story. They will have a better understanding of money as the grow up and it will set the stage for them to have conversations about money when they get older.
🍷 Ready to Talk About It?
Covington Alsina has a monthly event called Women, Wine, and Wisdom. In addition to these events, you can find local workshops from experts who love sharing what they know. You can hear what works for others and see if it might help you. You can get advice and support specific to your situation and hear stories from others.
Check out the event page here and follow Covington Alsina on the socials to get more language and knowledge about money and wealth.
Want to explore your money mindset in therapy? Schedule a consultation, and let’s see if we’re a good fit.